Tiny Me, For The Tree
Ceramic ornament · 3 in
Me, on a ceramic ornament, with a little note to you around the edge. We both had a good year. This one is for the tree.
$24
Hang Biscuit
CONFIDENTIAL · OFFICE OF BISCUIT
Biscuit has completed your annual review.
You may want to sit down. Overall rating: exceeds expectations. There are some notes about the vacuum.
A personalized 12 × 18 inch poster of your dog's review of you, with their photo and your name. $39, free US shipping.
Everything on this page now reports to Biscuit.
Free US shippingA human checks every order
Status: in a meeting (asleep)
FORM HR-26 · 5 QUICK QUESTIONS · TAKES A MINUTE
Help Biscuit fill in the paperwork.
Biscuit has opinions and no thumbs. You type, Biscuit signs. It prints as a poster for the fridge, the office or the wall by Biscuit's bed, or for someone whose dog is clearly their manager.
ANNUAL PERFORMANCE REVIEW · 2026FORM HR-26
Employee: Sarah
Role: My Person
Reviewer: Biscuit, Head of Household
KEY ACHIEVEMENTS
Opened the treat cupboard 1,412 times. Strong numbers.
AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT
Leaving. Please stop leaving.
INCIDENT REPORT
The sock. I would do it again. Case closed.
THREAT ASSESSMENT
The mailman. Comes every day. Clearly planning something.
OUTCOME
Contract renewed. For life.
Biscuit
STEP 1 OF 5
Biscuit has opinions and no thumbs. You type, Biscuit signs. It prints as a poster for the fridge, the office or the wall by Biscuit's bed, or for someone whose dog is clearly their manager.
Biscuit counted. Round down if you like.
Biscuit has picked the rest.
Area for improvement
PRINTS ASLeaving. Please stop leaving.
Open incident report
PRINTS ASThe sock. I would do it again. Case closed.
Known enemy of the company
PRINTS ASThe mailman. Comes every day. Clearly planning something.
$39 12 × 18 poster
Free US shipping
MADE FROM THE SAME PHOTO
More of Biscuit, for the tree and the sofa.
You both had a big year. Free US shipping on every one.
The Body Double
Photo pillow · 16 in square
My face, on both sides of a 16-inch pillow. For when I can't be on the sofa with you.
$59
Make the double
Questions
My dog's photos are all blurry. Is that a problem?
Send your best one. A person checks it before printing and tells you if it needs a better shot. You can also send it after you order.
Can I order a review for a friend's dog?
Yes. That is most of the fun. Fill in their dog and their name, and we ship it straight to them.
Can I change what the review says?
Within 12 hours of ordering, yes. After that, Biscuit considers the matter closed.
Where do you ship?
Anywhere in the US, free.
When will it arrive?
Everything is made for you after a person checks it, then ships free anywhere in the US. Once our maker confirms this year's last order date for Christmas, it goes in the bar at the top of the page.
Can I see it before it prints?
Yes. The product page shows a live preview as you fill it in, and a person checks it again before anything prints.
What if something is wrong with it?
Email a photo of the problem to krish@heartside.io within 30 days of delivery. If it arrived misprinted, damaged or wrong, you get a full refund or a free remake, your choice. Each one is made for you, so we can't take returns for a change of mind.
What happens to my dog's photo?
On this page it stays on your phone. When you add it in the personalizer, it goes to our print partner so they can make your order.
Who do I complain to?
Biscuit. Response times vary. For anything that needs a human, email krish@heartside.io.
Still deciding? Biscuit has already decided.
Make Biscuit's poster · $39FREE · FOR YOUR INSTAGRAM OR TIKTOK STORY
Leak Biscuit's review.
Get the story-sized version free. Post it, tag the person, and watch the group chat ask for theirs.
LEAKED · HR-26
Biscuit has reviewed Sarah.
Leaving the house: ★☆☆☆☆
Who is your dog's person?
heartside.io
CONFIDENTIAL
The card uses a stand-in dog until you attach Biscuit's headshot. Attach it in the review
The full review, on paper.
$39 poster · Free US shipping